Q: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
A: In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there.
Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Moderator: Officers
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Adalric Brandl - Gimp of Innoruuk
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Curse you, Brakiss! Now I've got soda all over my keyboard and monitor! 
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Of Leopards, Dogs, and Monkeys
One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that doggone monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that doggone monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Horse and Chicken
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found. He drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and this time the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says, "I think I can get you out."
He stretches over the width of the hole and says, "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up." The chicken does this and is pulled to safety.
Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly, the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found. He drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and this time the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says, "I think I can get you out."
He stretches over the width of the hole and says, "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up." The chicken does this and is pulled to safety.
Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
One Wish
One afternoon a guy is walking along a solitary beach in the middle of nowhere when he trips over something buried in the sand. After digging around a little, he pulls out an old oil lamp, and as he's dusting it off, a genie emerges from the bottle in a dramatic puff of smoke.
"Holy crap! Are you a genie!?" The guy asks in utter disbelief.
"That I am, and since you have released me, I shall grant you one wish" the genie bellowe.
"OK then..." the guy said and after only a moment's pause went ahead. "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't stand flying. Could you build me a bridge out to the islands?"
The genie looked at him incredulously. "I could do that, but is that something you'd like to squander your one and only wish on? Think this over carefully...."
And in fact, the man did give it some consideration. After a moment, it was clear that he had changed his mind.
"OK then." the man said excitedly. "I'd like to know what goes inside a woman's head. Y'know....to really know what's in her heart and how she feels.....it would be such a relief to know if the women in my life are being straightforward or just telling me what they think I want to hear." He enthusiastically looked up at the genie. "I'd like to finally be able to understand women! That's my wish..."
The genie bit his lower lip as his eyes darted off to the side. There was an awkward silence for a moment before the genie spoke up again.
"So...do you want two lanes or four?"
One afternoon a guy is walking along a solitary beach in the middle of nowhere when he trips over something buried in the sand. After digging around a little, he pulls out an old oil lamp, and as he's dusting it off, a genie emerges from the bottle in a dramatic puff of smoke.
"Holy crap! Are you a genie!?" The guy asks in utter disbelief.
"That I am, and since you have released me, I shall grant you one wish" the genie bellowe.
"OK then..." the guy said and after only a moment's pause went ahead. "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't stand flying. Could you build me a bridge out to the islands?"
The genie looked at him incredulously. "I could do that, but is that something you'd like to squander your one and only wish on? Think this over carefully...."
And in fact, the man did give it some consideration. After a moment, it was clear that he had changed his mind.
"OK then." the man said excitedly. "I'd like to know what goes inside a woman's head. Y'know....to really know what's in her heart and how she feels.....it would be such a relief to know if the women in my life are being straightforward or just telling me what they think I want to hear." He enthusiastically looked up at the genie. "I'd like to finally be able to understand women! That's my wish..."
The genie bit his lower lip as his eyes darted off to the side. There was an awkward silence for a moment before the genie spoke up again.
"So...do you want two lanes or four?"
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Quickie
A widow was asked by a friend what she had done with her husband's ashes.
She replied, "I mixed them with some marijuana, rolled a joint and smoked it. It was the best he'd made me feel in 20 years."
A widow was asked by a friend what she had done with her husband's ashes.
She replied, "I mixed them with some marijuana, rolled a joint and smoked it. It was the best he'd made me feel in 20 years."
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
On the Bus
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize... you have a lot of gas pain.
The music is really loud, so you time your "gas-passing" with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember...
you've been listening to your ipod.
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize... you have a lot of gas pain.
The music is really loud, so you time your "gas-passing" with the beat.
After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember...
you've been listening to your ipod.
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Infidelity
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason."
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
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Tigress1979
- Member
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- Location: Escanaba, Mi
- Contact:
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
What do you call a Rooster with Erectile Disfunction?
A. Boneless Chicken!
Haha
A. Boneless Chicken!
Haha
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Brakiss wrote:Q: Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
A: In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there.
O.O!!!! That was definitely not the answer i was expecting with that question, lol
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
A HILLBILLY LOVE POEM
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
In West Virginia a hillbilly's wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, born of fury, and cutting firewood, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.
She put his tally-whacker in a vise and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged up hillbilly was terrified and hollered, 'Stop! Stop!
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?'
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, 'Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want.'
She put his tally-whacker in a vise and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
The banged up hillbilly was terrified and hollered, 'Stop! Stop!
You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?'
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, 'Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want.'
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Tailgater: A True Story
(although I have no proof it's true, I'm told that it is, so I'm passing it along with that assumption)
A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School ' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
(although I have no proof it's true, I'm told that it is, so I'm passing it along with that assumption)
A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.' I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School ' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car."
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
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Zahasha
- Guild Leader
- Posts: 2261
- Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Within a forested valley hidden deep in the foothills of the Siskiyou Mountains
- Contact:
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Subject: Washington Post Invitational Hybrid Word.
The Washington Post's Style invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very, high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? and then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
Decaflon (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
The Washington Post's Style invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very, high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? and then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
Decaflon (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
"It is good to have an end to journey towards:
but it is the journey that matters in the end." ~Ursula K Le Guin
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Zahasha
- Guild Leader
- Posts: 2261
- Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Within a forested valley hidden deep in the foothills of the Siskiyou Mountains
- Contact:
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
The Zen of Sarcasm
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
Love, Laugh and Sing off Key
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
Love, Laugh and Sing off Key
"It is good to have an end to journey towards:
but it is the journey that matters in the end." ~Ursula K Le Guin