Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Moderator: Officers
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
OK, this is going to be my last post on this topic, unless someone else posts here as well. I really hope this isn't my last post here, but if it is, so be it. Come on, folks, I know you've got jokes to spare! Hesu Christi, this is a freakin' open topic!
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Sorry bud but i dont ever have any jokes ;(
LOOK OUT!!!! I'm back 
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Me either, they're fun to read, though 
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Nod puts a smile on my face when i need it so dont stop ;p I'll try to come up with some..Gildawen wrote:Me either, they're fun to read, though
LOOK OUT!!!! I'm back
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
All I have are Missouri/Kansas jokes.........I like this post, so if you have em put em here 
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Dont want to see your jokes go away Cry, so here is one I stole from wife's e-mail, enjoy!!
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm gonna kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya Sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumbass?
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm gonna kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya Sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumbass?
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
While this is not a joke, per se... this is a statement from a resume that came into our office that made me laugh out loud. Here it is, verbatim:
"I have sgood telecommunication kills, and work very well with other's. Also I Am very knowlegdable about severel telcomunication pakages as well."
Um.... wow!
"I have sgood telecommunication kills, and work very well with other's. Also I Am very knowlegdable about severel telcomunication pakages as well."
Um.... wow!
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
The guy in the office next to me writes like that, and even worse since he was given a blackberry 
Otherwise he's extremely intelligent, but seems to have a brain freeze with spelling and grammar.
Otherwise he's extremely intelligent, but seems to have a brain freeze with spelling and grammar.
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Granted, occasionally I have a brainfart or two when I'm writing something, but that's probably not going to give the best impression if you put it that way on a resume... for heaven's sake, have someone proofread it!
Personality test:
Here's a question, and you pick the answer that seems the funniest to you. Gauge your personality by the answer!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
1. A zebra with sunburn
2. A newspaper
3. A penguin drinking koolaid
4. A nun with a spear through her head.
If you picked #1, you're relatively mundane, and marginally stupid, since zebra fur doesn't sunburn...
If you picked #2, you're still marginally stupid, because the word was "red", not "read".
If you picked #3, you're either A) an in-the-closet furry, B) you like penguins, or C) both. And yes, still marginally stupid.
If you picked #4, you're one sick puppy, I like that. And yes, marginally stupid.
Personality test:
Here's a question, and you pick the answer that seems the funniest to you. Gauge your personality by the answer!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
1. A zebra with sunburn
2. A newspaper
3. A penguin drinking koolaid
4. A nun with a spear through her head.
If you picked #1, you're relatively mundane, and marginally stupid, since zebra fur doesn't sunburn...
If you picked #2, you're still marginally stupid, because the word was "red", not "read".
If you picked #3, you're either A) an in-the-closet furry, B) you like penguins, or C) both. And yes, still marginally stupid.
If you picked #4, you're one sick puppy, I like that. And yes, marginally stupid.
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
The other day, a dyslexic cop pulled me over for drunk driving and gave me an I.U.D.
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Crymea wrote:The other day, a dyslexic cop pulled me over for drunk driving and gave me an I.U.D.
-
Zahasha
- Guild Leader
- Posts: 2261
- Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2002 1:00 am
- Location: Within a forested valley hidden deep in the foothills of the Siskiyou Mountains
- Contact:
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
Ok Curiosity got the best of me...
just what did you do with that IUD??
just what did you do with that IUD??
"It is good to have an end to journey towards:
but it is the journey that matters in the end." ~Ursula K Le Guin
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
It made for a nifty bottle-opener.
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
I have thought for some time that monasteries might consider taking a leaf from the Indian reservations and use casino gambling as a means to support themselves.
Come on, admit it--could you resist a casino called Gregorian Chance?
Come on, admit it--could you resist a casino called Gregorian Chance?
Crymea says, "No tail, no sale."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Tyranimus says, "Oh, shut up you lousy monk."
Re: Stupid joke of the day, feel free to add your own!
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay