A group of soldiers being prepared for a practice landing on a tropical island were warned of the one danger the island held, a poisonous snake that could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands. They were instructed, should they find one of these snakes, to grab the tail end...

You slackers! Here's another: A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly, "Oh why..eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee, why did you Di......eeee" A caretaker walked up, pardoned himself and asked politely, "Excuse me, sir, but I've been seeing y...

OK... time for a REALLY stupid joke...

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: It was dead!

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare ...

At the Pharmacy A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. "Ma'am," the pharmacist asked, "what do you want with arsenic?" She looked at the pharmacist, and replied matter-of-factly, "To kill my husband." "I can't sell you arsenic to...

Fishing License A couple of young fellows were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track, when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like the proverbial bat out of hell, and hot on his heels ran the G...

Jeez, guys! I know there's more funny out there, step up and show it! The Argument. A man and a woman were having a huge fight. After hours of fighting, the woman got so fed up that she said to her husband, "You're a complete schmuck." She continued, "If ever there was a person who co...

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does a...

Just remember what the title of the post is...

I am not!

Prepare for your IQs to drop rapidly after this one...

Q: What's green and smells like pork?

A: Kermit's finger!

The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke. He took out...

A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?" The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So, the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they burn a few. After...

"The greatest joke in the world was the fact that we took ourselves seriously."

$.50 to anyone who can tell me who said that first.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Eleph-I-no!

(use your hukd on fonix!)